Within a paragraph, all sentences need to refer to the main idea, or topic of the paragraph. A great sentence is still an error if it is in the wrong place or doesn’t belong.

TASK

Read the paragraph below. Can you find the sentences that don’t belong?

Nowadays high school students are working too hard to compete for places at prestigious universities, and this is negatively affecting their mental and physical health. Pressure to be the best from their parents causes the stress levels of young people to rise, and being punished for failure can permanently lower their self-esteem and confidence. Some schools are considered to be better than others. Working competitively also creates a bad social atmosphere in classrooms, so that many students do not develop real trust and cooperation in their friendships. Friendship is very important, but family is always the first priority for most people. In addition, studying all the time means students can suffer from a lack of sleep, exercise and fresh air. As the brain and body are still forming, this is very dangerous for their physical development.

Coherence

Sentences not only need to be relevant, they need to be organized in a logical manner and follow a plan of development (usually the plan is indicated in your topic sentence). This is often described as the ‘flow’ of writing. A paragraph full of good sentences still receives a low mark if order of the sentences is confusing or illogical.

TASK

Read the paragraph below. Can you put it into a more coherent order?

I grew up in a big old two-storey house, which was always full of children (from our family and every other house on the street), dogs, cats, toys, books and never ending piles of washing. When I was 14 years old my parents sold the house, but it is still there today, home to another family. It was often noisy, and never tidy, but I could always find a quiet corner somewhere to read a book in. We had a lot of freedom, but also responsibility. At times I remember going into the laundry and sitting on top of the washing machine just to get some privacy. We always helped to prepare dinner, as both our parents worked, and they wanted us to learn to be independent from a young age.

The first (topic) sentence tells the reader what the paragraph will be about, however, the sentence should demonstrate this, not tell the reader directly.

Example:

• I want to tell you that nowadays students are working too hard…
• Now I will talk about students working too hard, and give you some examples.
• I am going to write some sentences about my childhood.
• I will say some things about when I was a child.

Possible Corrections:

• Nowadays, students are working too hard…
• Students working too hard is a common problem…
• My childhood was a happy time…
• I grew up….

The two sentences that don’t belong are:

Some schools are considered to be better than others.
Friendship is very important, but family is always the first priority for most people.

The correct order is:

I grew up in a big old two-storey house, which was always full of children (from our family and every other house on the street), dogs, cats, toys, books and never ending piles of washing. It was often noisy, and never tidy, but I could always find a quiet corner somewhere to read a book in. At times I remember going into the laundry and sitting on top of the washing machine just to get some privacy. We had a lot of freedom, but also responsibility. We always helped to prepare dinner, as both our parents worked, and they wanted us to learn to be independent from a young age. When I was 14 years old my parents sold the house, but it is still there today, home to another family.

I grew up in a big old two-storey house, which was always full of children (from our family and every other house on the street), dogs, cats, toys, books and never ending piles of washing. It was often noisy, and never tidy, but I could always find a quiet corner somewhere to read a book in. At times I remember going into the laundry and sitting on top of the washing machine just to get some privacy. We had a lot of freedom, but also responsibility. We always helped to prepare dinner, as both our parents worked, and they wanted us to learn to be independent from a young age. When I was 14 years old my parents sold the house, but it is still there today, home to another family.

Test for unity. When you are rereading your work, check every sentence against the topic sentence. Are they related?

Test for coherence. Read each sentence thinking about the logic of what comes before and after it. Does it flow?

If you are not already, become familiar with the editing cut and paste tools on your computer? they will help you move sentences around when you discover problems.